


Some Days (Dean x reader)

by revengingbarnes



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Heavy Angst, Matchmaker Sam Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Stubborn Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 08:29:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18362330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revengingbarnes/pseuds/revengingbarnes
Summary: Dean is too stubborn to let the reader love him.





	Some Days (Dean x reader)

Some days, Dean Winchester thought he was doing the right thing.

He would watch her as she talked to Sam, leaning over the front seat with Sam sitting sideways to look back at her as they talked nerdy about some new book or movie. An old rock tune would be playing quietly in the background, Baby’s engine letting out a familiar, warm hum. He’d keep driving, eyes straight ahead and pretending to be disinterested, but he was listening to every word. Sure, he didn’t understand most of the geeky references but  _god_ , just hearing her talk. It was an effort to not smile. Sam would give him hell if he did.

He would watch her lips curl up into her own smile, listen to her laugh, and he would think  _no_. He couldn’t get close to her. He wouldn’t allow himself. She was too happy, too pure to be corrupted by him. Every person he loved always ended up dead, or worse. He was already damned, he wouldn’t pull her down with him.

And so Dean stayed away, even when he felt her glances lingering on him a little longer than they should, Dean ignored it. He prayed she would stay away just as he was. He was toxic. She was raw and beautiful.

It was the worst match on the planet.

Some days, Sam Winchester wanted to tear his hair out in frustration.

He would watch from a distance, the softness in his brother’s voice and the care in his touch when he was close to Y/N. He could see her smile turn up a notch, her body straighten and her words become more deliberate when she talked to him. It was so obvious, even a blind man could see just how much his brother and best friend loved each other. How much they yearned for each other. The only people that were oblivious were the two people it most directly affected.

Sam had been bullying Dean to make a move for well over half a decade. And the answer would always be the same. She’s too young. She’s too good. I’ll destroy her. Sam knew his brother. He knew that Dean had thrived on trauma for so long that he was unwilling to believe he could have something good without a cost. It broke his heart and he wanted to change it. Y/N could change it. Dean just had to let her in.

Some days, Y/N Y/L/N felt like she was yelling at a brick wall.

She had always known Dean was stubborn, but never did she imagine how far he would go just to stand his ground. Dean had been through so much, too much, and it broke her heart when she watched him hurting. Dean had the weight of the world on his shoulders and no one helping him carry that burden. She knew he wanted her. It was in his eyes, the jade green softening when his gaze locked on her. She could see it in his disappearing frown and slowly relaxing posture when she sat next to him. She could feel it on her waist when his hand lingered a second too long, or when his lips pressed to her forehead harder than normal. It was all there. But Dean refused to give.

Some days, Dean Winchester wondered if he was being an idiot.

It wouldn’t be the first time he had screwed something up. He would wonder when she would share a motel bed with him rather than Sam, if she was already too invested. He’d feel the fear grip him when she would get under the sheets, curling in on herself. She cared, he could see. Maybe a little too much. Dean was poison. He was fifty layers of screwed up and he was going to rub off on her. Her. Sweet, kind Y/N, who could stab someone with one hand and pet a puppy with the other. He could feel the dread creep on him when she’d slowly drift towards him over the course of the night until she was pressed to him, face buried in his neck by the morning. He hated how much he loved it. It would be the best sleep he would have, but it would be tainted with the prospect of how much she could lose if he stayed closer.

So Dean tried to stay far, far away. Even when he saw how the light in her eyes dimmed when he was curt with her, how her expression would plead with him to come to her, Dean refrained. He couldn’t infect her with his disease. Despite living the hunter life, Y/N was happy and content, and she’d lose all that if he stuck around.

Some days, Dean would wonder if he’d made the right call.

Everyone looked at him with anger and frustration. Sam. Jody. Charlie. Like he had made a grave mistake. Had he? Had he pushed away the one good thing in his life, his one chance at happiness, because he was too afraid?

Some days, regret filled Dean’s chest.

It bloomed in him, like a cancer slowly encroaching on his lungs until he couldn’t breathe. It made his eyes fill with tears he was too stubborn to let loose, even as he watched the flames rise high up from the collection of wood he and Sam had made around her body. Sam’s voice felt muffled as he said a few words about her, like he said about every friend they burned. He felt the odor of burning wood fill his lungs, and he swore, even if it was impossible, that he could still smell her perfume, the delicate smell of her newly washed hair. It would remind him of those old, motel nights, when her arm would wind around his chest and her breath would hit his neck. He’d smell the flowery scent of her hair, feel it drown his senses until his entire body relaxed. The fire was as warm as her body pressed to his side, as warm as the little smile that took over her face when he made a lame joke that Sam would normally smack him for.

Some days, Dean wonders what it would have been like if he had told her. If he had accepted her. If he had let her love him and had loved her back twice as hard. How many nights had he wasted, thinking he was doing what was best for her? Too many. And now he could never make up for them.

Some days, Dean just wishes he could turn back time and do it right for once.


End file.
